I looked at the door of my new house, nervously placing the tiny kitten in front of me.
I had decided I couldn't raise a baby in an apartment building, but being so far from Rain in Bridgeport's residential area made me scared.
"Come on Carlos," I mutter urging the kitten forward. It was small but that was to be expected I didn't have a lot of money to my name.
Rain had insisted that Luciano buy me a house, but I had refused firmly. I may be pregnant but I could still stand on my own two feet, it was bad enough he was paying for all the doctor's appointment. He hardly ever missed one, only on days he was busy. I found myself enjoying his company again but in the end I realized that there was nothing more for us. However Vincenzo frequently visited,
when Rain wasn't around of course. I had yet to coax out the reason for her hatred towards him but I was beginning to feel it was tied to her loyalty to Luciano. In fact I felt like the three of them were connected but I couldn't decided why.
Pushing the door open Carlos ran through, lacking the nervousness of the human being.
I had decided to adopt Carlos because I didn't want to be alone. I had reluctantly told my parents the news when they returned home, but had to lie and tell them I was still with the father. Placing my suitcase down I rubbed my back, it was a lot sorer than I ever thought it could be.
The doctor had claimed that the baby was fine and had spouted some mambo jumbo about why I was having stomach pains that I couldn't remember. I had a gut feeling they were something more though, one I hadn't shared with anyone. They only happened every time my thoughts turned to not wanting this baby, it was like my baby was punishing me. Oh I knew it was impossible, but I couldn't let go of the theory. I slid down on a chair looking at my small baby bump, "Just you and me kid," I said to it, "I hope I'm not a disappointment." I shook my head not really sure what I was doing.
The days of my pregnancy seemed to progress at turtle speed. I spent my days painting, writing and cultivating my small vegetable garden in the hope I'd be able to pay the bills each week.
Every day my stomach grew, I was starting to feel like an elephant.
They limited my scans because it was bad for the baby, which part of me was happy about. I didn't have to see Luciano all the time which meant I didn't mourn the relationship that could have been. Rain was coming to my birthing class with me, she was going to be my birthing partner. I never imagined that for my first birth but in the end I decided I didn't mind it. Vincenzo gifted me the cot that could work for either a boy or girl since I had wanted to wait to find out. He also spent a lot of time talking to my belly which I couldn't help but laugh at, part of me wished it was his and the other half that it was Luciano's so I still had a connection to him.
It was in the early hours of the morning that I went into labor, the pain that went through my body awakening me from my slumber. As the contractions drew closer together I called Rain, so that she could drive me to the hospital. Half an hour later I heard the door click open but a few minutes passed without Rain coming in.
"Rain," I yelled in a mixture of pain and annoyance.
Quite calmly she came in telling me she had put my bag in the car and we were ready to go. Following her out I was in awe of how in control she was, as if she had seen this all before.
My labor wasn't a long one and even though I knew Luciano wasn't going to come, I missed his presence anyway.
"It's a boy," were the first words that I truly seemed to hear. Bundled up in a blue blanket they handed me my first son, Leviticus Butler. I never knew love could come so quickly, but as soon as I held him in my arms I knew I would give the world to keep him safe. I had an overnight stay and was disappointed to know that I had to give him formula as he needed special nutrients that my milk couldn't provide.
When I arrived home I feed him and in the back of my mind I wondered what I had ever done without him.
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